so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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