I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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