I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
