Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
