i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
