My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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