I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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