oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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