I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
