I can text with my tongue
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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