a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
