I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
