So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
