winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
