The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
