I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
