yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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