Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just invented taco cereal.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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