I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
