I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
