Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
