11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
