He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
