I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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