I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
