I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
