So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
