I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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