I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
