If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
