I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
