so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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