i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
