apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
