Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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