he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
