My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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