I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
