Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Enjoy the penises
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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