Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
