I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
