There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she told me i tasted like america
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
