my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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