is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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