Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
