I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
