and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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