RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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