I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
