I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
