normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I AM VODKA MAN
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
