look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
