she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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