No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
